Play Report #4

K29 21 Highsummer

Dearest Ursula,

                When last I wrote we had just reached Ekull, from whence we intended to seek out a lost Dwarven mine in the Stone Hills, said to contain many silver ingots left, for some unknown reason, when the mine was abandoned. While such a legendary treasure is worth seeking for its own sake, both Soren and I would like to find the answer of what could have driven a brave people to leave such a treasure behind.

                Ekull was a study in contrasts from Oldbridge, where we had slept the night before. In Oldbridge we had met a large group of Pilgrims, protected by Clerics and Paladins. I had some hope I might see you among them, but it was not to be. Still, for merely assisting with the watches we were able to eat a fine meal after the morning Mass, leaving refreshed and renewed, and with our purses no lighter, a fine break from the fear of the previous few days.  We passed through the whimsically named village of Ham on Wye, taking our midday rest and a meal at the Dripping Blade, where the sword of a slain orcish Overking still hangs on the wall. Days end found us entering a city crowded with people and musicians, Ekull. They have a budding Festival of Music, which I believe shall soon grow to gain the acclaim of the Four Corners Faire. To celebrate our arrival in safety and health, and with our purses full, we chose the Inn of the Golden Throne for the night. Even the mounts ate well.

We replenished our supplies of food, water, and equipment, including more arrows for Merrin, who can dispose of them at a startling rate. I have heard tales of adventurers who treat such supplies as an afterthought, as if food and water never run out, and torches burn forever, as if arrows simply appear at need. I assume the bones of such careless bands litter the wilderness and depths beneath. For while we seek to do deeds of renown, life is not some sort of fairy tale. While our Lord of course knows what is to come, He is no playwright ensuring each battle can be won regardless of our choices, as if we were merely players in some masque.

Merrin has taken Cosmin into tutelage in the bow, as Bill and Soren have for sword and lance. Cosmin shows a particular determination to master his new trade as man-at-arms as quickly as possible. He says we offered him a chance to serve, and he would not fail in that trust. I jested that I brought him into service to keep me alive, but I feel a great sense of responsibility to make sure he has the chance to achieve his own destiny. In any event, my own, less academic training, and my new sword, seem destined to leave me leading the way into danger. It certainly did on this expedition.

But before I (humbly, of course) extol you with my exploits in the Mine, in my last letter I mentioned Brother Cuy’s certainty that I would have to address more of what I held to be true. Bill is a native of Ekull and suggested that if we were to be delving into a mine, we should employ experts. And thus our party was off to Goblintown. Goblintown. Were it accounted as such it would be of the largest cities of the Realm with a population of humans and thousands of “humanoids”. “Humanoids”. Such an academic term for the green beasts of my nightmares. Orcs. Kobolds. Goblins. Even the half-breed issue of these monsters. Monsters, evil from birth, who, in order to save their pitiful lives, claim to have converted to the Faith. Regardless of the assurances of the Church, I find it hard to accept their sincerity. My skin crawled as Soren and Bill negotiated with the “Boss” of a small troop of five goblin “Sapper-Scouts”. Such a fine, civilized military name for infiltrators and assassins. You would be proud; I held my tongue. I have no love of going underground, so if my friends and proven companions felt they could be trusted to not betray us, and to give us advantages in the mine, then I would suffer their presence. I did notice Brother Cuy paying particular attention to my reaction. As if I, not the beasts, were the possible threat.

Fully equipped and provisioned, with our “friendly” Goblins following behind in white tunics with a large red Cross, purportedly a sign of their conversion, we set out the next day on the road North to the Stone Hills. I was glad my usual position in our growing column was in the lead next to Soren, with Cosmin between my back and the goblins. The trip, for all it abutted the wilderness of the Stone Hills, passed without incident until the palisaded village of Elm Hill came into view in the dwindling light of sunset. There, on a rock beside the road, was a meal setting of barley cakes and wine in very small glasses. Faint flute music could be heard from the nearby forest. Bill seemed familiar with this fairy ritual, and left an oat cake as our contribution to the… tribute? Bribe? The fae were not a particular area of my studies. As we entered Elmhill, to spend the night at the Last Inn on the Left, I learned there were even families of fae residing in the town, a rare situation in all the Realm. There is always so much to learn.

The morning saw us off on what we believed should be the last leg of our journey to the lost Mine. The day started off propitiously, as we met a band of Travelers heading South who assured us the road ahead was clear at least to Johnson’s Farm. We passed the Farm at midday and reached the Last Tower, the aptly named last fortification demarking the boundary between wilderness and the frontier in the early afternoon. A tower of treated wood, not even stone, with a small garrison, designed to watch the wilderness beyond. It offered no amenities other than a good well. We were now dependent on the supplies we carried with us, there would be no more inns, or villages, or civilization. Only wilderness and peril. The map I had discovered in my research, months ago in Oldbridge, put the rumoured location of Mine at approximately 3 hours at best from the Tower. We quickly agreed that searching for such a place in the waning hours of daylight, even for those of us who could see at night almost as well as in day, fell into what our mother called “borrowing trouble.” After all, our enemies, like our troop of hired “friends,” far preferred the night to the day.

I will include a copy of the map and directions, rather than repeat all the details. Suffice it to say that the directions were good, and with Merrin’s aid I managed to find a concealed entrance in a Stone Hill. We had found the Mine. I suggested the goblins check out the initial tunnel, well, I suggested Bill instruct them to do so. They reported a simple tunnel ending in a door. Your baby brother’s moment had once again arrived. Trusting to Faith, the skills Silas had taught me, and the luck my new sword seemed to bring I proceeded to examine the door. It was not locked, nor barred, and did not appear to have any traps. It seemed to simply be swollen in its frame. As you know, Silas believed that where skill might fail, strength must do, and I applied my own to the door. It surrendered, revealing a small landing, a crevasse, and on the other side another landing and door. A river flowed at the bottom of the gap, but the distance was well within my limits. As I examined the other door, my academic training once more came in as handy as Silas had suggested when we first met. Having been trained in magical writing, I recognized the faint traces of a Glyph of Warding. Clearly someone had attempted to bar access to the Mine. Which was almost as concerning as the fact that someone else had defied that warning and persisted on entering, as we were about to do.

The goblins surprised me. They seemed in their element as they quickly wedged open the doors to prevent them being sealed behind us and constructed a simple yet effective rope bridge over the chasm. Of course, I shouldn’t have been surprised, after all, they developed those skills to better infiltrate the mines of others.

On opening the door, we were faced with a choice, a tunnel led ahead into the darkness, and another off to our right. But we had little time to plan as a large skeleton construct, as if the remains of two monsters were knitted into one two-headed horror, skittered out of the dark toward us. Soren leapt past me, striking the beast with his flail. Bill attempted to strike it with his mace as I stood momentarily frozen, but he failed to harm it. The horror struck back in vengeance at Soren with its four, clawed hands and both fanged mouths. He managed to avoid all but the last bite, which drove him to the ground. That sight drove me to action, I slipped behind it as it loomed over Soren and struck at the joining of its heads with my magic blade, shattering the beast. From the construct’s eyes, one right, one left, gems rolled free, I scooped them into my pouch for later study. Brother Cuy ministered to Soren, healing my friend’s wounds and I gave him my hand to help him regain his feet. He, and Bill, had saved my life, enabling me to save theirs. We then had a moment of discussion, to continue our path past the fallen terror, or instead search the other corridor. In the end, we chose forward into darkness. The goblins fell in behind us. Their contract stated they would not fight to defend us but would defend themselves. With them following us we would have a rear guard for anything approaching from the other corridor. As that also left them as far from me as possible, it seemed a good arrangement.

We proceeded down the corridor, where we were met with another choice, doors to our left, and right, with the corridor continuing ahead. One door opened into what the goblins explained was an “ore washing room.” Apparently, their claim of mining expertise was not just talk. The other door, beyond an old spiderweb, led to a spiderweb of tunnels. My sword’s slight tremble reinforced our communal desire to have the goblins spike that door closed for our protection. Moving onward we found a set of tracks in the tunnel, disappearing into the darkness ahead, but turning under a set of large bronze-sheathed doors to our right. The goblins once again aided us with their knowledge, apparently in Goblintown they are employed as miners under the supervision of dwarven master miners, so they recognize the workmanship of this mine. I once again notice Brother Cuy’s gaze on me, was that the ghost of a smile?

After a bit of discussion, I opened the near door, while Bill with his magic shield from the ogre’s cave protecting his vision, investigated the room. A room with a massive blast furnace (again this information courtesy of our helpful goblins) and a door in the northeast corner. I tried to puzzle out the meaning, but dwarvish is not a language I had learned in my studies. While I struggled to parse some meaning, Merrin, of all people (that man is full of surprises and keeps them close to his chest), and Soren recognized to read “Mine Bosses Only.” As Bill pointed out, we were the closest thing in the mine we had yet seen that could be called its “Boss” and so we mentally and verbally asserted our right to enter to the darkness.

There was no key to the lock, but again my time spent in Fat Silas’ tutelage proved out. The door easily opened to my persuasion and once again I moved into the darkness with my lucky sword held high. Ahead, we saw the glitter of metal which was then blocked by what appeared to be a set of dwarven plate, with no occupant! We all leapt forward to strike, Cosmin and I missing, the unholy creation missing Cosmin in return with both blade and repeating(?!) crossbow. Our next attacks were more effective, my Dwarven sword cleaving the dwarven construct and young Cosmin striking the final blow. As it collapsed, we saw a rat’s nest in its armor. I later learned it was a Dread Guard, an animated armored guardian which fortunately had degraded over time. I say fortunately as we likely would not have survived if it were in any better condition.

With that terror also defeated we saw behind it that which we had come for. Beyond, gleaming silver in the torchlight, were 100 ingots of what our goblin hirelings announced, stammering in awe, to be pure chromium. A rare metal, used only by the Master Smiths of Khuz Dun to make their storied “incorruptible steel”.  Indeed, our goblins almost fainted at the sight.

This was the treasure we had sought, and visions of wealth and acclaim filled our heads. The goblins offered to act as porters, not part of their Contract, in return for a bar apiece. A discussion broke out, with me asserting that discretion would be the better part of valor. We had finally decided to exit the mine, perhaps to return later, when one of the goblins asked in its horrid accent, “Do you hear that?” At that we all heard a faint ominous tapping in the distance. There was no more talk of further exploration, we fairly flew through loading up the bars and headed for the exit. The strange tapping sound of metal on stone chasing us down the passage. We had moved carefully on our exploration, but our exit was far more rapid. Still perhaps a half an hour passed before we gained the exit. The longest 30 minutes of my life. Along the way several of our party, and two of the goblins, paused standing and tapping their feet in time with the unearthly rhythm until shaken awake. Merrin was doubly affected and had to be physically led to the exit. Fortunately, we did not meet the source of the eldritch sound. The goblin’s rope bridge was a joyous sight and we were glad to see the sunshine even the sunshine of the wilderness of the Stone Hills. We wasted no time loading our mounts and pack animals as we had no desire to remain near the cursed mine any longer, particularly at night. We were once again fortunate, due no doubt to your prayers on my behalf, and perhaps a bit of the luck of my sword, to make our retreat to the Last Tower unmolested, arriving at that point of comparative safety just after sunset.

 To my relief, our journey back to Ekull was similarly uneventful. Our faithful goblin hirelings performed one final service and introduced us to a Dwarven factor, a merchant in the employ of Khuz Dun’s Master Smiths, who offered us a veritable fortune for the Chromium. As I write we are in the midst of improving our equipment, engaging in training in our various arts, and enjoying being alive and, for the moment, wealthy beyond our expectations. Given the value brave young Cosmin and stalwart Brother Cuy have shown, and the utility of the goblins, who I had perhaps misjudged, to this expedition, we have resolved to seek out additional persons to hire into our service. There is strength in numbers, after all.

I will include copies of my maps and notes to this point with this letter. Remember me in your prayers, Big Bear. I have perhaps taken this adventuring life a bit lightly, that has definitely come to an end. I was glad that I was not forced to kill anything living, man or monster, and I now find myself questioning what makes a “monster” in truth. Certainly the unholy constructs we defeated in the mine would so qualify, as would the “Tapper” or “Rapper,” I have seen both names in my recent studies, the undead Dwarven creator of madness from which we fled in terror as the Dwarves had fled before us. But while the humanoids are undoubtedly inimical to civilization, our goblin Sappers show that, like men, as individuals they may be better or worse. On this I shall have to ponder, pray, and talk more with Brother Cuy. Be well dear sister, know your Dismal thinks of you often.

                                                                                                                With love,

                                                                                                                Dismas

Seaward Play Report 3 (Interim)

K29 29 Midsummer

Dearest Ursula,

                I regret any panic that might have accompanied my last letter, though it was not unreasonably felt as it turned out. As we inquired, we learned that Esber, being the first major town at the end of the Old Road through the Briars, will go into a war footing with any sign of unknown physical or magical activity from the Mountain. Such as the Beams glittering in the Darkness, reaching into the aether far above, striking something from the night sky like my pen striking an error from a page. There was risk, but it was perhaps not as imminent as I perceived.

Oh, it slipped my mind due to the shock of arriving in a town gripped by what seemed like panic, but as we travelled down the path in the Briars from the strange house to the Patrol Camp, two individuals, a strangely clad man standing on a cloud with flowing white mustaches (he would easily win the Harvest Faire contest back home) and a beautiful Lady dressed for a ball in a red gown, and riding a broom like the finest palfrey, passed overhead headed North. It seems that reality itself near the mountain is more… flexible… than in our humble County home. Adding to my disquiet, our captives, knowing only the headsman awaited them, were still heard to mutter “at least it wasn’t that little girl.” I know noble Soren seeks out glory to build his own Name given his origins, and he and I share a love of knowledge for knowledge’s sake, but I feel that this County boy has more in common, when it comes to the Mountain and the Briars, with our more cautious fellows Bill and Merrin.

Indeed, Bill’s innate caution about the Mountain, and magic in general, may have saved us, and the Realm, a horrible fate. We learned, in the honor-saving ways used by our “betters”, that part of the concern was the Company of the Dark Moon being overdue from their Midsummer trip. This was unusual, the puissance of the Company being known throughout the Realm, and coupled with the Beams in the Night, which were now being called the Skylights, strong reinforcements from Count Orion of Ekull were on the way to help secure the town. The Baron made it known that, with no shame for refusal, that he would pay us handsomely to go all the way to the Mountain in the company of our new-made mercenary friends to discover their fate and gather information about what might have occurred.

We were debating the opportunity, the costs and risks versus the potential monetary rewards, and gains of further renown, when Bill approached us with dark news. He was leery of such a trip in any event, but in asking among the guardsmen of Esber, his former peers in their trade, Bill had heard disquieting news that the Baron had changed in personality a few months ago, before our initial meeting at the hunt, and the guards of the town were gradually being replaced with new men of the Baron’s choice. Knowing the news of the Ogre Magi’s attempts to subvert Wyvern Keep by magical subterfuge and concerned that the request to go to the mountain might have nefarious intent, Bill stated he had prepared a letter to ensure these concerns could not die with him. It turns out, unfortunately, his caution was correct, the man to whom he entrusted the letter was found dead the next day.

This information from the serious and stolid Bill could not be ignored. We abandoned any plan to assist the Baron, not knowing if by doing so we might be aiding an adversary of the Realm, and resolved that Soren should make our apologies, bringing up duties upon which we must attend elsewhere, so that we might seek out the reinforcements before they arrive and alert them to our fears.

 In an attempt at misdirection, we offered to instead check out a rumor of strange noises and “ugly ponies” to the Southeast. Once out of sight of the town, we turned North and West to regain the road to the 4 Corners Faire, through which we presumed the reinforcements would be passing. By the Grace of God they were there on our arrival, and Soren was able to approach Sir Redfern, a knight of Ekull dispatched by Count Orion, informing him of our concerns.

Bill deserves much credit for his thorough, healthy suspicion. We may rest easily dear sister, the Lords of the Realm are not granted such responsibility lightly, they are men of foresight and faith. Sir Redfern assured us he had brought not only knights and crossbowmen to reinforce the walls of Esber, but also Brother Arngrew of the Highstone Abbey and Mister Vortare the Theurgist, who had particular knowledge of the magics and stratagems of the Ogre Magi threat. With Bill’s forewarning, they felt well prepared to deal with any situation they might encounter.

It was with a sense of great relief that we were not only NOT jumping at shadows, but also that we had been of service to the Realm in a manner befitting our station and capabilities.

As you know Big Bear, no matter the situation, I cannot control my curiosity. After the sense of peace of informing the Count’s men of our fears, we were able to enjoy the food, drink, and curiosities of the Faire. I could not help but notice that Snyads, likely kin of the people I encountered in the Briars, had exquisite items of metal, a craft for which they are not known, in addition to their woodcrafts. I will make a note to explore this, and the “ugly ponies,” further as opportunity presents itself.

As usual this letter goes long, I am writing from Ekull, from whence we have determined to seek out a hidden, abandoned Dwarven mine in the Stone Hills said to contain great treasure. On our return I will tell you of what will certainly be a happier tale of adventure than our unintended involvement with world-spanning affairs.

Oh, young Cosmin, the lad we rescued from the bandits, even amid the risks and fears of our stay in Esber (or perhaps because of them), has agreed to enter my service as a man-at-arms rather than a simple laborer. He is young and strong, and with my fellows Soren, Bill, and Merrin to tutor him in the skills of lance, sword, and bow I see great things in his future. To include keeping your little Dismal alive in a world of monsters.

I must say, actually _paying_ for arms and armor, and a warhorse for him to ride, is far more expensive than the… procurement methods… Silas had taught me. I can only hope our Mother Church helps provide you with the temporal tools of your trade. Remember me (and Silas of course) in your prayers as I remember you in mine. Brother Cuy has been kind to advise and counsel me as we ride about my concerns of the last letter. Indeed, he promises I will likely have more to reconsider about everything I think I know and believe in the future. He is small, but formidable, and a deft hand with a dagger. In a way he reminds me of Fat Silas, mutatis mutandis. Perhaps I shall always have such great men of small stature in my life.

                                                                                                                                With love,

                                                                                                                                Dismas

Seaward Play Report 2

K29 15 Midsummer

Dearest Ursula,

I begin this missive at what is called the “Patrol Camp”, the last regularly if intermittently, visited site on the Old Road to Skull Mountain. I am stealing a few moments before taking to bed to tell you of the startlingly fast change in my, well, our, circumstances since my last letter. It is odd since leaving you and then the company of Fat Silas to once again think of myself as part of a partnership.

I told you of our successful mission to the rebel’s Freetown, and how we returned to Oldbridge with valuable information, experience, and, well, valuables. On our return I sought more information on my new sword, learning that it has powers yet to unlock if I can just find the right commands. In addition, foreseeing that with our new renown we would be travelling in somewhat loftier circles, I secured for myself robes and accoutrements suitable for Court. Soren took the opportunity to design for himself a Coat of Arms, and graciously provided us tabards to wear. It is a savage image, a “Wolf Among the Fold” he calls it, a ferocious wolf’s face half obscured by the rent visage of a ram. Bill and Merrin were polite in accepting theirs, I believe being willing to humor Soren as long as being seen as a true Company results in greater opportunity for glory and wealth.

Thinking of our planned trip to explore the rumors we had heard of such adventure and glory to be had in the Stone Hills, Soren and I also acquired equipment to enable us to camp more comfortably, hopefully giving Bill and Merrin one less thing to… remark upon when travelling. Bill and Soren upgraded their arms and armor, and Merrin took the opportunity to continue his training with his woodsman’s guild. I, less glamorously, decided to be practical for once (never fear, your influence remains dear sister) and purchased a mule to carry our new equipment. Since it is my first mule, I named it MuleOne, or Mulon for short. An agreeable beast overall and seems to get along with Nickers. To answer your inevitable question, yes, I will wear a hat when you meet it, so you can tell us apart.

Thus equipped, we waited only for Merrin to return from his training. He came back not only deadlier, if that be possible, but with news that offered opportunity closer to home, or Oldbridge anyway. The young Baron of Esber was having a hunt, and had invited those of stature to attend. We decided that Soren’s nobility, however minor, and or own exploits qualified us as such and we set out for Esber.

The hunt was a success, but had a purpose beyond mere recreation. The Baron’s people were being preyed upon by bandits, who he suspected were stragglers from the defeated “army” of Freetown. They seemed to be hiding in the Briars, near the Patrol Camp. He could not afford the time and men to send a punitive expedition after them and was seeking out adventurers to end the threat. He offered a reward and recommended to us men of his sometime employ. Once again dear sister, we were offered a chance to distinguish ourselves on a task that might have gone to the Dark Moon, had they not had larger concerns. Apparently, every Midsummer they go to Skull Mountain, that fearsome place which only they seem to dare explore.

While we prepared, further news arrived from the Baron, the bandits had taken hostages, two men and a maid. That settled the issue, none of us could leave innocents, however vile their origins (those being Soren’s words) in durance… well, vile. On the day before Midsummer, with Merrin leading, scouting for signs of bandits leaving the road, Soren, the redoubtable Brother Cuy, also better armed and equipped due to Soren’s patronage, Bill, myself (disguised as a mage by my Scholar’s robes) and the mercenaries set off to the Patrol Camp. On arrival Merrin sought to find any sign of activity at the waterhole which makes Patrol Camp one of the few habitable places in the Briars. None was found. We resolved to set out the next day down the large trail which headed East into the Briars, leaving the Sergeant and his men to guard our camp. Indeed the Sergeant proved his value that very evening, saving Brother Cuy from one of the smallest yet deadliest residents of the Briars, a poisonous spider called the Bright Blue. Truly an evil place.

That night, Midsummer Night, we were awakened by Brother Cuy and the watch in time to see a glow from the direction of the Mountain, and then two actinic beams of light rose from those glows meeting near Luna in a large explosion. As if something had been near the moon, then wiped from the sky. Brother Cuy led us all in a prayer of victory over evil, which brought us a feeling of peace and a sense of hope.

On the morrow we set out, once again with Merrin in the lead, his redoubtable talents having proven themselves in our prior expedition. The Briars quickly lived up to its reputation, a hot, oppressive entity, not a simple forest. Strange noises arose from off the path, strange sights appear and vanish in the corner of one’s eyes. There is life, both benign, as the small herd of goats we came upon on the trail, and horrific, as the “tangle wood” tree which was preying upon one of them as we arrived. We gave that maleficent… thing a wide berth and continued on. For all that Soren sees himself as our leader, Merrin is truly the man to have in the lead, as he found a bit of discolored brush concealing a small trail leading off into the Briars. Exactly the kind of concealment a group of bandits might contrive; yet lack the discipline to maintain. Setting down the trail I joined Merrin to apply my own talents, and the dwoemer of my sword, to the discovery of any potential traps. Easily discovering and disarming some simple deadfalls we found the trail ending at an arroyo, with a cleverly built sod hut built into the hill on the opposite side, a hut with a guard seated in a mantrap between two gates. A hut which likely contained our goal, the bandits and their hostages.

This was where your little brother’s less formal schooling once again came in handy, I was able to stay concealed, watching the guard sleep, until he was woken for water by what must have been one of the hostages, a young man. The brute did manage to stay awake until relieved, but his replacement proved no more disciplined quickly nodding off in the heat. Seeing an opportunity, and leaving my compatriots out of sight behind me, I crossed the arroyo to get a better look at the guard and the defenses. Here I must offer a bit of an apology, for the Briars are not all evil, at least not anymore. I don’t know how they managed to move so silently, but I found myself surprised by a small convoy of Snyads. I will have to tell you more about that meeting later. The sleeping guard could not be reached by any weapon we possessed without opening the gate, and I didn’t believe even I could do so without waking him. Fortunately, the gate itself was only tied shut with withies and could be easily opened at need.

As Silas always told us, what you can’t go through, you can often go around, however the compound was encircled by a fence, and having killed one of the Bright Blues myself during my initial surveillance, I had no desire to bushwhack through the Briars to the gate I saw at the far side. Fortunately, the stout halfling had further advice for his young charges, what you cannot go around, you can often go over. Now, climbing the gate or fence was no better a plan than trying to open the gate, but the sod house? That was a vulnerable point. There were no windows facing the arroyo, an easy climb would gain me the roof, the ability to see the interior of the compound, and give me the literal drop on the guard. Sentry removal was also one of Silas’ lessons, though he felt actually killing a guard unnecessarily was… inelegant.

I returned to the party, who had waited with Merrin prepared to rain his death across the arroyo if needed, to lay out my plan. Merrin and I would make the climb to the roof, I would eliminate the guard and Merrin could cover the approach of our comparatively loud armored companions.

It went off without a hitch, the climb was easy and no other guards were in evidence outside the hut. Bill and Soren made the crossing while the guard slept, as they reached the gate I slipped over the edge and eliminated the bandit. Bill checked the interior windows of the hut and then he and Soren crashed into the room with Merrin covering. The three remaining bandits quickly surrendered, and the hostages were rescued, a bit mishandled but unharmed. We gathered up the bandit’s equipment, buried their former companion in the arroyo, and returned to the patrol camp with our captives, the rescued hostages, some of the stolen supplies from Esber’s farmers, and the ill-gotten loot they had liberated from their own defeated army as our own reward. In addition, a small trinket which always points North was found. Merrin was, of course, the natural recipient. He has never led us astray, and now he will be even less likely to do so. We also made note of the curious fact of such a homestead in such a hostile place. Something to ponder in the future.

The mercenaries were pleased with the foodstuffs with which we returned and their Sergeant, who had seen unbelievable things in his time, and told tales of fantastic battles under the Mountain with the Dark Moon, said he was impressed by our own little company. Offering to help us get best value for the bandit’s gear in Esber and stating he would be more than willing to work with us in the future at the same preferential rate the Baron had secured for us. Brother Cuy ministered to the captives, who must be solid and resilient folk to survive living next to the Briars. They quickly set to showing their gratitude by preparing a veritable feast. The young man we observed bringing water to his captors, by the name of Cosmin, in gratitude offered to serve our company for a year as a laborer and porter. But perhaps not just in gratitude my dear Big Bear. He shows the spark of adventure we both know so well. He says he aspires to be a guardsman one day. I intend to ask the rest of our Company if we could perhaps train him as a man-at-arms in our service in furtherance of that goal. Though it strikes me that he may have thought “guardsman” was the limit to which he could aspire and after travelling and fighting with us his horizons may expand. I do hope he is more tolerant than Merrin of Soren’s unfortunate inability to recall names.

Brother Cuy showed his indomitable grace and faith by also taking the confession of two of the bandits, whose hearts were perhaps not as hardened as their unrepentant leader. Their fate is sealed, a man who chooses to become an out-law has cast himself beyond earthly mercy, yet as we know from the story of my namesake, who repented in his last hours and achieved salvation, they may yet find mercy in the world beyond.

Which leads me to a thought that haunts me as I sit writing this letter by candlelight. Though I have strayed near unto darkness in my association with Silas, performing acts of which I am now not proud, I have never before killed a man, nor elf, nor gnome nor any other creature than those born of evil. I hate the goblins, I still awake in terror remembering the night you hid us both, the night our parents died. The memories are those of a babe, their stench, the guttural speech, the screams. When we were brought to them, after you saved us somehow, Father and Mother taught me that all creatures need redemption, and even those of evil can come to the light. But still, I killed a human being in cold blood today, because he stood, worse, slept helplessly, between me and my goal. I think I too will seek out Brother Cuy tonight.

I will finish this letter on our return to Esber tomorrow and give you more of the details of our adventure and what advice our Gnomish advisor was able to offer. Keep me in your prayers.

Postscript…

Sister, I send this letter incomplete with a merchant fleeing Esber for the North. We returned not to a hero’s welcome but to a city readying for war. The people and livestock are being brought inside the walls and our mercenary escort has returned to the Baron’s service. Calls for reinforcements have been sent out and the Count is coming with troops from Oldbridge. We turned over our captives and settled what business we could, but now we wait for word for how best we can serve the Baron and our King.

Pray for us all, I will write again when I can,

Your loving brother Dismas

Seaward Play Report #1

K29, 26 Lowsummer

Dearest Ursula,

Sending this as usual via the parish and I hope it finds you well. I still do not have a fixed address, but you may still post to the Academy.

You’ll be proud of me Big Bear, I completed my training and earned my Robes, your little brother has followed in your footsteps, at least in part. You’ll be even more pleased that I have taken your advice and left the active employ of my former mentor. In fact, Fat Silas himself agreed that I was not cut out for the… grayer areas… of the… salvage and reclamation industry. He instructed me to give you his best, from all my talk of you, you may be the only warrior of the cloth he wouldn’t avoid on sight.

In any event, he sent me off with his blessing, a promise to keep him informed of anything that might be business related, and the gift of some gold and equipment. I was even able to purchase a horse! I’ve named it Nickers. Since you had recommended I associate with a better class of people, I have formed a partnership with a classmate, a young nobleman named Soren Barrus who shares our mixed heritage, and a human woodsman named Merrin. I may be a country boy, but the deep woods have never felt like home, and his skills proved to come in handy indeed.

At school Soren seemed at first to be as priggish and vainglorious as most of his type, but on further association he instead shows the true virtues of his class; honorable, generous of spirit, and brave. Though, if I lacked my Scholar’s robes and our long association, I fear my commoner’s name would be as often misremembered as poor Merrin’s. His certitude that the world is exactly as it appears to him to be seems to prevent him from questioning too much my extracurricular activities during our matriculation. Merrin never brings it up, but I think he sees through my robes to the former Rogue beneath.

Ah, I finally have deeds to tell you that don’t require a sense of shame and a changing of names of those involved! It was in Oldbridge on the 15th that, seeking a mission suitable to our stations, in service to knowledge, the Crown, and our own betterment, our fledgling company became aware from our various sources and associations (please do include Silas in your prayers, that old halfling needs them more that most) of a treasure that may have been left in the abandoned bandit city of Freetown. The chance to see the source of the army defeated so valiantly by the efforts of the Dark Moon, even without a treasure to find, would itself have made the trip worthwhile. (I can hear you sniggering from here dear sister. It hardly becomes you.) We were able to round out our own small band with another man seeking to better himself, a former guardsman from Ekull named Bill, and a gnomish Religious Brother named Cuy seeking gainful employment. I was able to help Soren with his fee, remembering your advice on generosity, and Silas’ belief in having people owing you favors.

Oh the heat, dear sister, and so wet all the time in Lowsummer. Never let me complain about the weather back home again. We set out on the southerly route believing there would be more opportunities for knowledge and adventure closer to the famed Briars. I had heard of strangers travelling in the area, and Soren and I spent much of the ride discussing who they might be. Apparently, the storied Company of the Dark Moon travels the Old Road to Skull Mountain each Midsummer, and the merchants follow.

We reached a crossroads where the merchants gather and set up a fair. Apparently, it is more or less at the boundaries of three Baronies and would be an excellent townsite, but none of the Lords wish to cede any control (or taxes). As Silas always said, “Human avarice is a terrible thing when it interferes with commerce.” I was also reminded how poorly people guard their belongings when spirits are high and spirits are flowing. But I remembered my promises, and my duty to companions, and left those thoughts in the past. We ate and drank our fill and continued on our way to the town of Stowanger for the night.

The morning came hot, and wet, not the “fine soft days” of home, but an oppressive mist. Soren was all for pushing on to make Merlin’s tower prior to nightfall but acceded to the will of the rest of us to save our strength for later. We slept in the stockade wet, but not cold, and at least within walls. I was not cut out for this rough living dear sister, life at the parish made me a man who believes in a warm, soft bed at the end of the day. But needs must, as they say.

We had planned on pushing through to the Eagle Tower, the literal “end of the road” and last bastion of civilization before the dark forests up valley, but a rain like I don’t recall ever seeing punished us and, only making Falcon Tower, another of the fortifications designed to watch the Briars, after noon, we decided to stop and dry out a bit. In what turned out to be a sign of future good fortune, the morning broke fair and clear, and we almost meandered the last leg to the Eagle Tower, figuring to stop, rest and prepare, and only enter the forest the next morning.   

 I had talked of knowledge and adventure? At Eagle Tower we happened into both. We finally found the strangers my “associates” had mentioned, and strange they were, men from across the seas, from Yashima and Liung Diguo , here for a tournament. From my studies I at least recognized they were monks, making their way into the Briars for a festival and contests at the legendary 37th Chamber. The head of this group, a Jokai of the Order of the Red Dragon, told us of his goal to become the new Master of the Golden Arms, a ceremony involving the Masters of Five other Orders called Toad, Centipede, Scorpion, Snake, and Lizard. Lest you ascribe me too much knowledge, Soren had a far better idea what this might mean than I did and shared his knowledge with me later, I must have missed a class or two along the way. Jokai was a jovial host, enjoying telling and hearing tales, and paying for all our costs. In the morning he was gone with his retainers into the Briars. I tell you sister, for all his conviviality, Jokai is a man of discipline focused utterly on his own desires. He gave me the same feeling of dread as some of the… removal specialists… of my former employment. Bill also seemed to have misgivings, but he seems to have such misgivings quite frequently. We did agree that this was knowledge to share with those more capable of dealing with it, besides, we had our own mission to accomplish.

We set out the next morning into the great forest in search of Freetown. Merrin, still constantly misnamed by my friend Soren to my dismay, proved his worth more than once, finding us routes through brush so thick we were forced to lead the horses. With his wilderness skills he found us an opening large enough to set up camp. Brother Cuy accepted the midnight’s watch, in order to say his devotions, and Soren and I planned to take the watches on either side, given our advantages in night sight. Bill took first watch, and Merrin was to guard us til the dawn. Bill has many good qualities, but for a former guardsman, “guarding” might not be one of them. An ogre, my sister, an OGRE, managed to sneak up on Bill. It seems our good fortune was still on his side as he was able to hold the beast off until we could join the fight. As it fled Bill had his vengeance and took the cowardly beast down. He proved to be carrying spoils no doubt taken from prior victims.

The rest of the night passed without incident, in the morning Merrin found the path the beast had used and we followed it back to its lair. There we found treasure my sister, more than I was likely to see in months of my former profession. This included a strange shield which I was later able to confirm as designed to protect the wielder against gaze weapons. As it was Bill who struck the fatal blow, we agreed it should be his prize. Contrary to what one might expect of a nobleman, Soren viewed it as only right and proper. We left the rest of the treasure, three jeweled tiaras, a large quantity of gold, and an even larger amount of copper, hidden for retrieval on our return . The coppers made me think of all the common people beasts like the ogre prey upon, people unable to defend themselves. I prefer not to think of how that might also apply to my former associates.

It seemed our good fortune was fated, Merrin had found a broad trail which we presumed led to Freetown, and while proceeding down it a Ki-Rin, an actual Ki-Rin sister! flew over us. I felt rejuvenated and confident, and blessed to be among such fine companions. In time we came out of the forest onto a hill with a decrepit, and empty, guard tower overlooking fields and the remains of the town. A townsite now occupied by a large number of goblins, who appeared to be also operating a mine. It was noted (not by me) that given it was mid-morning with the sun high in the sky, the goblins would be blinded and at their least alert. Even so, we decided against a glorious assault on the fortified town itself, and instead decided to investigate a manor house outside the perimeter. Leaving our horses behind, Merrin led us to the manor, confirming very little goblin traffic to and from.

The manor house seemed well-built, and based on its location and the maturity of the farmland, older than the townsite, leading us to believe it existed prior to the bandits, and then goblins, moving in. On entry through a side door, a dwarven stove of great age, the kind rare even in the homes of the wealthiest in the Counties, confirmed our guess. The first floor, kitchen, dining hall, and ballroom were empty, with stairs leading up and down. I believe I suggested we check the upstairs first, as any guards would be located where they might have a good field of view. On entering one room we found our prey, six sleeping goblins. I daresay here is where I could have used a bit of your wisdom my sister. We quickly killed the smaller sleepers, but Merrin and I convinced Soren that a prisoner would be an asset. We awoke the leader who attempted to bargain for his freedom once I demonstrated my knowledge of his language, but, as Soren and Bill had suspected, he had employed a ruse, speaking loudly to call in reinforcements from the next room. With that distraction he managed to stab me dear sister, me, the cynical one of poor associations! Fortunately, the wound was minor, and Brother Cuy set me aright again, proving his value to our company. Soren killed the treacherous beast, and, again displaying his nobility, avoided pointing out my failure in judgement. The short sword used by the leader appeared to be magic, but not yet having identified it, I merely tucked it into my belt. His other possession of note was a key which fit a quickly discovered chest. After examining it using skills learned in my prior life I deemed it safe to open. The chest itself was wondrous, rendering the objects inside nearly weightless, and the contents were no less astounding. Gold, silver, pearls, potions, and a scroll.

At that moment I redeemed my prior error, realizing that if this was a guard post, a relief might be arriving at any time. Carefully looking out the windows we saw that two more of the beasts were approaching. Merrin then once again proved his value. I tell you sister; I have never seen arrows fly so fast, even having seen the elven archers of the Counties. He let the goblins enter the hall, then his hands fairly flew and before a second breath could be taken, both goblins lay dead where they stood, having had no time to react.

Convinced of our security for the nonce, we decided to descend the other staircase, finding only a despoiled wine cellar. But as you know dear sister, I have always had a talent for finding things others wish to conceal (except, apparently, the devious designs of goblinkind) and exhibited the heightened awareness which so impressed Fat Silas. There was a hidden door, perhaps the repository of the rumored treasure which led us into the woods. I could sense no traps, but as I reached for the latch my new sword vibrated! Soren quickly engineered a system of ropes and pulleys, a wise choice as the space we would have occupied opening the door became filled with an angry buzz of darts, which appeared to be poisoned! The trap sprung we were able to retrieve the true treasure that led Soren and I into the wilds. Three spell books: one of illusionist cantrips, one of mage spells, and one of the magic of our own Scholarly training. I know that you receive your abilities through prayer and faith my sister, but for us, knowledge of magic must be discovered or won, and this was a mighty victory for ones only recently set foot upon that path.

After reveling in our good fortune, we regained our focus and took stock of our situation. The day had slipped into afternoon, and we were adjacent to a horde of goblins. At some point the goblins would realize that their change of watch had not been completed, and we did not want to be anywhere near dozens or more of the beasts, howling for vengeance, in the dark. We decided our mission had been accomplished and discretion was the better part of valor. So we gathered our treasure and carefully returned to the horses. Merrin led us back to the ogre’s cave, where we retrieved the treasure stashed there and spent a watchful night. That morning we began the arduous, but thankfully uneventful trek back to Oldbridge.

Along the way we did our duty as citizens and informed the Count’s men of the goblin infestation of Freetown so the good people of the Realm could be guarded from that threat until it could be eliminated. I suspect knowledge of a stately manor, working cropland, and working mine at the site might also raise some interest among the local lordlings. In Oldbridge I was able to discern the sword was indeed magical, and of low intelligence. (I can hear you saying, “a perfect match,” dear sister.) It seems tailor made for my new path in life, as it can detect traps and offer light as desired.

The potions turned out to be of Invisibility, which was given to Merrin, I shudder for his enemies if he has the chance to ambush them while so hidden, Soren accepted the Potion of Healing, which also seemed proper, as his sense of honor and propriety insists that he be at the forefront of any battle. Soren returned my loan and accepted Brother Cuy into sole service, granting him the scroll, which was for Protection against Undead, yet another perfect fit we all felt. The spell books are being studied by Soren and me, there is so much to learn and so many decisions to be made. As I said, particularly in magic, knowledge is power, and even the spells we cannot use can still, due to our training, be traded or sold to others.

My last obligation prior to penning this letter was to Fat Silas, I delivered to him the expected gratuity for his continuing patronage and gave him a summary of our adventure. Even those who live outside the law know the value of stability and order. With cultists in the Counties, bandit armies making war on Ekull, strange foreigners abroad performing unknown rituals, and always the Mountain looming to the South, the more who are aware of current events the better.

I appear to have once again worn out a nib and am almost out of ink. I do admire the brevity of your letters and always look forward to the next. We have heard word of strange goings on in the Stone Hills, involving rumors of treasure and dwarves behaving oddly (I don’t know enough dwarves to know what that might mean). That will likely be our next mission. Be well dear sister Big Bear, fight the good fight (as if you know any other) and keep your little brother Dismal in your prayers, as you are in mine.

                                                                                                                With love,

                                                                                                                Dismas

Nah, It’ll Be Fine: Entertainment Vlogger The Critical Drinker Hammers Cultural Corruption

THE REMODERN REVIEW

The Critical Drinker, Conducting Some Vital Analysis

“Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth.”

 – Oscar Wilde

Living as we do now, encroached upon by creeping tyranny behind the Silicon Curtain, there are many topics we are not supposed to be allowed to publicly speak about. Election fraud; virus statistical manipulations and outright deceptions; government corruption and hypocrisy; incompetence and betrayals perpetrated by the political caste; all these subjects, and more, are verboten. Our credentialed classes act like they have the mutant ability to wish truth into the cornfield, so that our only choice will be to obey the whims of their cartoonish nightmare substitutes for reality.

Outside this network of the New Aristocracy of the Well Connected, we are expected to ignore the staggering evil unfolding in plain sight. Much of the populace…

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Gun Culture 2.0, or How a Liberal Professor Became an Armed American

Gun Culture 2.0

Following is the text of my lunch presentation at the NRA Foundation National Firearms Law Seminar in Indianapolis, Indiana on 26 April 2019. The 36 minute video version is available on YouTube.

I am very excited to have the opportunity to share my story with you. As I was preparing for today’s talk, a line from the classic Talking Heads song “Once in a Lifetime” got stuck in my head, although my earworm had a slight variation from the original:

“And you may find yourself

Speaking to a room full of gun lawyers.

And you may ask yourself, well

How did I get here?”

I never saw, touched, or fired a real gun until I was 42-years-old. Eight years later, here I am speaking at the National Firearms Law Seminar. That’s remarkable.

Without disrupting your hard-earned lunch too much, I want to share with you my story – the…

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“Dress Around the Gun” Needs to Die.

Well put thoughts

The Suited Shootist

We’ve all heard it. Whether at our first concealed carry class, or at the gun store when shopping for our first pistol and/or holster. In order to effectively conceal a firearm one must “dress around the “. The intent of this mantra is to suggest that carrying a firearm does require adjustments to one’s normal routine. True practice of self defense is after all a lifestyle unto itself. However, this credo has become the battle cry of the intellectually and socially lazy. Any time someone encounters a challenge with justifying their newfound lifestyle with their day to day routine, these words will be parroted, as if to suggest that the person in question just isn’t trying hard enough.

I say this is a tactic of the intellectually and socially lazy because it requires no thought or analysis. It automatically assumes that the gear selection is infallible, and that the subject…

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How a Card Carrying Liberal Professor Became a Card Carrying Liberal Armed American

Gun Culture 2.0

7 years (this week) and 700 posts ago, I started this blog. Initially, I wrote largely for myself. Somewhere along the way, people started reading what I had to say about guns and gun culture. More people than I could have imagined. This gives me confidence that I have something to say about the topic beyond the small group of scholars I am accustomed to talking to as a professor.

My confidence was tested in April when I had the opportunity give the lunchtime talk at the National Firearms Law Seminar in Indianapolis. More than anything I’ve written or said, “Gun Culture 2.0, or How a Liberal Professor Became an Armed American” offered a very personal perspective on how I got into guns and the study of gun culture. I also discussed some of the many lessons I have learned on my journey.

Thanks to John Correia (and Jon Macek)…

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Documenting the 2019 NRA Revolt at Indy Against Current NRA Leadership

Gun Culture 2.0

The members meeting Saturday at this year’s NRA annual meeting was chaotic, but in this post I do my best to summarize of what went down.

NRA member Joshua Prince, critical of the current leadership, rises to speak at the NRA members meeting. Current NRA Board member and supporter of current leadership, Willes Lee, waits to speak immediately behind him. Photo by David Yamane

Drama was present from the start of the meeting. NRA President Oliver North, who was supposed to sit next to NRA Executive Vice President Wayne LaPierre was a no show at the members meeting. He will not seek or get a second term as President.

Wayne LaPierre received a 3/4 standing ovation from the members assembled when he was introduced. NRA VP Richard Childress, presiding at the meeting in North’s absence, read a letter from Oliver North that leveled accusations against current leadership (in YouTube video…

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